The Drama Queen is surrounded, as her title suggests, by constant drama.

There are always problems, worries, conflicts, doubts, illnesses, etc. For this narcissist, there are basically no solutions to problems, and conflicts are always instigated by uninvolved third parties. The Drama Queen is not responsible for any of her problems and always blames the other person.

In everyday life, she likes to switch between the role of the self-confident woman and the helpless victim—depending on which role the situation requires. Both the role of the self-confident, independent woman and the victim mentality are to be regarded as acting.

Because both are taken to the extreme, the narcissist feels threatened in some way in her perception. This narcissist often has a hard time financially, as her “independent” lifestyle requires certain material goods, which she cannot afford if she does not have a financially stable husband. She is always concerned with being perceived in these roles by those around her, and to do so, she needs the right setting and the right extras around her.

This narcissist lives in a dream world where she deserves everything but doesn’t want to do anything for it: others have to do it for her. The right setting is therefore a beautiful, clean apartment, new clothes, expensive jewelry, a well-groomed appearance, an expensive lifestyle with regular vacations, regular restaurant visits, etc. The right extras are: A partner who earns her money, children who are loyal to her, family members and friends who agree with her on everything, a housekeeper, a lawyer, etc.

The drama queen does not accept criticism and will denounce and ignore anyone who questions her performance. If one of her extras steps out of line—in whatever form—they will either be subjected to a smear campaign or, if there is emotional closeness, threatened with suicide. The latter is unfortunately a popular tactic for these narcissists, which secures their role as victims, at least in this situation.

Her own children and family members who contradict her are thus brought back onto the “right” track. After all, what child wants to be responsible for the suicide of a parent? The narcissist is aware of these endless feelings of guilt and uses them to her advantage. Inside, she is a sadist who enjoys the suffering of others. And as long as she can manipulate and control her extras, she is satisfied. And to achieve this, any means are acceptable to her.

By threatening to commit suicide, she kills several birds with one stone:

1. Although she herself is the trigger and cause of the prevailing conflict and anger, she does not have to take responsibility for it.

2. The blame always lies with the other person.

3. All criticism and intense emotions that were (justifiably) directed at her cease at a stroke.

4. She secures the sympathy of other parties who were not involved in the events but are now being drawn in by the narcissist.

5. She is once again assured of attention.

6. She quickly transforms from the perpetrator to the victim.

For the drama queen, this situation is a real delight, because she can play with the emotions of everyone involved and distract them from justified criticism and steer them in the direction she wants: people worry about her.

The drama is back on her side and she is back in her favorite role, that of the victim. At the same time, she will of course free herself from this difficult situation and resume her role as a self-confident woman when the interest of those around her in her dramatic story wanes.

Playing with illness is a favorite game of the drama queen. She will never tire of feigning illness or accidents as long as they can free her from a predicament. Especially when this predicament has been provoked by her own actions, for example at work, feigning various illnesses becomes a popular means of shirking responsibility in the long term. No journey to various doctors or hospitals is too long for the narcissist, no symptom too minor and no whining too excessive. Because this, too, is her signature role: that of the victim. And no one would want to deliberately harm a sick person. Right?

As long as this narcissist can move freely between her two favorite roles, she is in her comfort zone. She evades any responsibility by playing the victim. However, she lives her extravagant lifestyle in her role as a self-confident, independent woman.

The question is, how do these roles fit together? How is it possible that narcissists “get away with it” their whole lives?

The answer lies in how society treats people: no one would want to hurt someone who is obviously suffering even more. No one would want to burden someone who is obviously ill. The magic word here is obviously.

The foot must obviously be broken. The shoulder obviously injured. The mental state obviously impaired, impressively demonstrated by crying fits or hysterical breakdowns. And if all that no longer works, then suicide is threatened: because there is no more obvious way to show that the narcissist is suffering.

The narcissist is always ill – when she has an audience.

And this is also where the biggest mistake in the assessment by the other person lies: Someone with real mental problems does not talk about it. No one with depression, anxiety disorders, or mental problems turns it into a theatrical performance. Mental illness is still a difficult topic in society, and the lack of acceptance makes it difficult for those affected to talk about it, which is why they often wait far too long before seeking professional help.

In this case, the other person will appear frightened by the narcissist and feel the need to clarify, simplify, and calm the situation—which is exactly what the narcissist wants.

Here, the lack of education about mental illness and the emotional pressure of fear and guilt play into the hands of the drama queen. It must be said once again: suicide as a result of mental illness such as depression is a tragic and terrible decision, which unfortunately marks the end of what is often a long illness. For those affected, it seems like the last resort, with thoughts such as “I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore” being decisive. This decision is often made quietly and carried out in silence. And the bereaved would wish that the person affected had broken their silence.

This narcissist is not concerned with real suffering – she is concerned with drama. And to that end, any means are acceptable to her.